softly, don't go so...

Previous Entry Share
Morning person

I love being alone in the morning. Everyday when I wake up, I take a caffeine pill and start walking. Sometimes I walk for a hour. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I just move my body and think about things. I've done it for past five years or so and it makes mornings bearable, even good.

I can't really deal with people in the morning. I've had to train my roommates to leave me alone while exercising. I get very pissed off if I'm interrupted. I cherish the time alone and have had to fight for it.

When I was suicidally depressed, I couldn't get out of bed. I just laid there all day. I didn't leave the house. I only left the bed to eat and shit. That was my life from thirteen to twenty five years old. I was sick and unable to function. Exercising gave me structure. It gave me a reason to stay out of bed. I forced myself over time to only lay in bed while sleeping or sick. It took a lot of painful slow work.

When you allow yourself to get that far in depression everything becomes difficult. Everything. I would try to change and fail. It took a long time and it still isn't over. I don't spend my life in bed anymore, but I'm certainly not free my issues. I don't expect to ever be. All I want is to life my life as well as I can. To strive to be better. Saner. Less limited. That is all anyone can do.

  • 1
Great view I recently hit on your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my incipient comment. I don’t know what todiscloseexcept that I have enjoyed reading. Correct blog. I will keep visiting this blog very each.

  • 1

Log in